Well it's been a tough couple of days. We had a big argument Monday, and it took me until today to calm down and reflect again on the things I love about you. And as always, they are still there. I still worry that you won't change in the ways in need you to, just as you are afraid I won't change in the ways you need me to, but even in the middle of our argument the fact that you are able to recognize that you have these destructive psychological tendencies and that you are willing to work on them give me hope for us, and remind me how much I love that you can be mature and honest and fair during these arguments. I think every couple will have issues, it is the ability to communicate honestly and openly that leads to change and happiness. I hope we will continue to communicate productivity and honestly, because I am certain conflicts will arise in the future. Without honest communication we would be doomed.
Yesterday I dropped you off at the airport, and I was still angry with you, and hurt, and pessimistic about our future. I spent the day trying to come up with a good reason to stay with you after so many months of being ignored and criticized, something besides my own stubbornness and my refusal to let our relationship fail. But when you got out of the car to leave, I was so so sad. I imagined what it would be like to say goodbye for good and I felt a glimpse of how awful it would be to lose you. Even without a logical reason to stay together, I just still love you. I do. I feel like an idiot sometimes, because I think a woman that truly respected herself would refuse to be treated the way you've been treating me these last several months. But I can't help it. I still love you.
I just got off the phone with you an hour ago. You were exhausted from your first day back to reality, and you said you knew you were supposed to ask me about my day but it was really hard for you to try to relate to me at the moment. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that level of straightforwardness. I can work with that. The fact that you are trying to communicate with me about how you are feeling at the moment gives me some hope that we can rebuild this into a happy, loving relationship. Which is all I want babe, to be happy with you. And no, I do not believe that is just a fairytale.
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